Someone to Hold My Hand

I know talking about ancestors can be tricky for many people for many reasons. But sometimes I feel as if there is someone, at least one person, maybe more trying to sneak in at opportune moments, trying to let me know that they are here holding me and helping me.

Many of the people in the churches I grew up in and in my life now would say, “That’s Jesus!” or “That’s the Holy Spirit!” or maybe even, “That’s a guardian angel!”

What I can say is, it feels like someone who calls me Chile. Not Child. Chile. It feels like a black woman who, when she puts her hand on mine, I can feel the plump palm and callousness. Who, when I put my hand on top of hers, I can feel veins underneath strong but lotion-ed skin.

That could be my imagination, my mind conjuring a comforting figure. What I know is a couple of months ago I felt it very distinctly - someone holding me in place, putting their hand on mine - and it was warm and just tangible enough to know that it was someone.

Those unexpected moments of supportive presence are gifts. So too are the moments I’ve experienced of intentionally calling a specific person to mind in prayer, meditation, or imagination and letting their image or energy offer support. Below is a practice that brings both those experiences together. I recorded this for a recent retreat I did for women of color. Let me know how it works for you.

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The intention of this meditation is to bring an embodied awareness of the support and care available to you.

It starts and ends with the body, by finding a comfortable position and engaging your breathing. From there it engages your imagination. When your imagination starts to flow, feel free to let your body do what it feels it needs to do.

If it helps you to maintain the comfortable position you started with, please do so. If it helps you to soothe yourself with rocking, touch, or repetitive motion, please do so. If it helps you to move your body in tandem with what you are imagining, please do so.

If at any point you feel heightened discomfort, agitation, or fear, return to a place and position of safety. Return to focusing on your breath.

Most of all, feel free to not get it right. This is all for your support and care! I trust that your body and spirit know what is needed and can carry you there.

Written version

This practice is called Someone to Hold My Hand. If hand-holding is not something that is desirable, comforting, or possible for you, imagine something different! Do what feels supportive and caring for you.

For this written version, read the meditation through to get the gist, then go for it:

First, get in a comfortable position. (You can sit or lay, on the ground, on the floor, on the bed, whatever is comfortable for you… you can also do this practice walking if that is comfortable for you.)

If you are stationary, feel free to close your eyes or find a focal point on the floor a comfortable distance in front of you.

[Breathe deeply and slowly at least three times.] Start to settle into a pace of breathing that is comfortable and calming for you.

When you have a comfortable and calm rhythm of breathing, bring to mind a person that is supportive in your life. This can be someone who is alive or someone whose passed whose memory or presence is supportive for you.

As you breathe, imagine this person is here with you. Pay attention to what they look like, what they smell like, how their presence feels.

Imagine that they come and hold your hand in theirs. From their hand comes a warmth, and you feel that warmth move throughout your body.

Allow yourself to take this warmth in and rest in it. Keep breathing at a calm and comfortable pace.

You can stay here as long as you need. Just breathing, and holding their hand, feeling the warmth, and resting in it.

If you feel led to say something to them or engage with them in any way allow yourself to do so. Allow them to engage with you as well.

If you find something pulling you out of this comforting presence, you can return to your breath, and re-engage.

When you are ready to let them leave, thank them for their presence.

When you are ready, return to focusing on your breath. Then return to the room, opening your eyes to the space around you.